Build Your Support System

Last week I was sitting in my room doom scrolling Instagram trying to come up with content ideas.

Every idea felt dumb. I feel like I've hit a content roadblock recently, my videos weren't doing well and it felt like there was no point in even trying to build what I'm doing. It was like a spiral where I started to convince myself I'm wasting my time and should just go get a job like a normal person.

It was another day where I wanted to quit everything. Those days are the hardest for me because I very much look at all my friends that are having fun traveling on glamorous vacations and hitting the ski trips I wish I was on right now.

(Spoiler Alert) I did not.

But it wasn't because I did a breath work class, or watched a manifestation video on YouTube. It's because I've built a small group of people who won't let me. Let me tell you about them…

The Daily Person

My friend Alton has a spare desk in his apartment. He spends 10 hours a day there building his startup. Three weeks ago on a Saturday I asked if I could come over and work together. He said yes. Now I have a working app.

All we do is sit in the same room and work. He helps me when I run into problems. I tell him what I'm trying to get done that day and he holds me to it.

The reason why I personally can't do this alone in my room vs. sitting across from someone locked in on their own thing is that the energy is different. It sounds woo woo but I work harder when I work around hard working people. I get distracted less. I get more shit done.

The Crisis Call Friend

I have 2 friends that I call when I start to spiral. It's easy to end up there when it's just me working on my own project.

They don't always give me a pep talk or tell me everything will be fine. They just listen, then reframe whatever I'm panicking about from existential to situational.

Last week I called one of them panicking about my progress for the month and runway, she said:

"Jared you're totally fine. You've solved the 0-1 problem. That's the hardest part. Now you need to learn how to get from 1 to many. All your basic needs are met. Keep going."

That reframe - 0-1 vs 1-to-many - completely shifted how I was thinking about where I'm at. This is my pep talk, zoom out person, who helps me pick my head up when I'm too down on myself. Reminding me it's a bad day, not a bad life.

The Monthly Crew

Me and my friend Alec started a monthly meet up of 6 friends. Every month we share wins, losses, and struggles. There's something about saying your failures out loud to people who get it. It makes them smaller. And hearing that everyone else is also figuring it out as they go makes you feel less alone.

We made it into a monthly recurring thing, but this can be as simple as a group chat.

Here’s what i keep asking myself

Over the last two months, I've had a couple friends approach me seeing if I was interested in working at their company. At a point when I’m down bad mentally, it’s really start to consider this as a serious opportunity. And there's nothing wrong with working at these great companies, but I think really long and hard about whether or not I feel like I would be giving up if I did do this.

That's when I ask myself: "Would I be okay with letting myself get this far knowing I could go farther and feeling like I quit?"

If the answer is ever yes, I ask myself a follow-up: "Am I being a little bitch right now?" Usually, yes. Back to work.

How You Can Do It

Now you probably read this post and you're thinking, "Okay, cool, but I don't have people like this." Neither did I. I built it by reaching out to dozens and dozens of people. Most didn't answer.

Here's how you can do it:

I started reaching out to people doing what I wanted to do. Emailing and DMing them, asking questions, showing up to the events they went to. Don't cold ask anyone to pick their brain over coffee. Ask specific questions first. Give before you ask.

Find a couple of people that are a few steps ahead of you. Study them. Ask them questions. Perhaps one of them could even become a mentor. Once you find the people that you want to surround yourself with every day, that's when you start to ask them for what you need. Maybe a monthly call, maybe a co-working session every now and then, or just text them a question or give them a shout out every once in a while. And then eventually you'll be able to call them when you're freaking out.

That's how you can build a support system because everyone wants to feel needed and helpful. If they're doing something hard, they know how hard it can be and are relieved when someone else wants to do it with them.

I still have days where I want to quit. Those will probably never go away. The difference is now that I have people who won't let me. Even if I'm doing this alone (for now), I still want it to feel like I'm doing it with other people.

You’re Awesome,

Jared

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