Falling Behind

You know how everyone tell’s you you’re the bi-product of the 5 people you spend the most time with?

Yeah we all heard it in some short form video from a motivational person on the internet. But no one ever tells you the side effects of surrounding yourself with those people.

It’s inspirational to be around incredible people doing interesting things. You win together, celebrate the wins and support them at their lows.

But you can’t help but compare yourself to them.

One of my favorite things to do is to meet and learn from interesting and inspirational people. Naturally, a bi-product of that is they tend to be financially successful. Of course, that too inspires me to do great things. But It becomes incredibly hard not to feel behind when you are surrounded with people so far “ahead” of you.

The more successful you become, the harder it becomes to not let the goalposts move. When I was at the “peak” of Plunge Party’s success, I was being told by people inside and outside the city that I was “the man to know in SF,” I was the “cold plunge king” that I was “absolutely crushing it,” and that I pulled something off they were certain was not going to work.

Meanwhile, while I got those heartwarming compliments I would check the accounts of all four Coffee and Chill cities and compare my growth to them. “How come my account only has 2k followers and they have 25k.” I would send videos from each of their events in my plunge party team chat. Gargi and Devin both told me I needed to mute and unfollow their accounts. I was obsessing over them like an ex.

Looking back, it was embarrassing.

Ever since I moved to SF its incredibly difficult not to fall victim to the sexy narrative that X friend of mine just hit $6M ARR after 3 months of launching an app, or that one of my other buddies has interns begging to work like slaves for their company because they raised money from Sequoia Capital, Founders Fund, or Arielle Zuckerberg. If you don’t recognize at least 2 out of those three names, don’t look them up. It’s better that way.

It become progressively harder not to compare myself to my 24 year old friends that are thiel fellows, exited founders, or CTOs and CEOs of some of the hottest companies in the city. That’s the consequence of surrounding yourself with incredible people. Every day you feel the need to catch up to where they are.

I feel behind at all times. Maybe that’s why it’s so normal here to work so hard, so long, and so often in this space. Last weekend my friends girlfriend (whose also a founder) was baffled when I told her I don’t want to tell her what I do for work because… I didn’t want to talk about work. The longer I stay in this game, the more successful people I meet, the harder it becomes to not partake in a business version of a dick measuring contest.

Instead, I tell myself a different story. The story that convinces me that I belong exactly where I am:

I already won, I have everything I need and am grateful for how far I came. 16 year old me wouldn’t believe everything I accomplished if I told him.

It’s a privilege to be where I am surrounded by incredible people that I can call my friends. I have the energy of a 24 year old and the experience of an industry leader.

I’m a steamroller in a field of wildflowers. I’m not behind, I’m exactly where I should be.

And you are too.

You’re Awesome,

Jared

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@steven

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